Yesika Salgado
⤏ IN CONVERSATION WITH TERISA SIAGATONU
⤏ PHOTOS BY RIKKÍ WRIGHT | MAKE-UP BY KATIE MANNS | STYLING BY CHARLOTTE ZOLLER
⤏ ORIGINALLY PUBLISHED SEPTEMBER 2019
Rarely do I ever say Yesi’s full name unless I’m protecting it. When all guards are down around us, she’s simply “Sis.” Say her name around town and suddenly a stranger is gushing to you about their love for poetry, thanks to the only poet they read. Corazón, Tesoro, and Hermosa roll off the tongue smooth like mango slices, sticking to the reading list of every brown girl who ached to see herself in books. When I’m really lucky, I catch the sound of Yesika’s name bouncing off of the church walls of a group of brown Latinx women, singing her praises like the gospel they are, gushing over my sisterfriend who I’ve known for a decade — way before the world knew who she was.
Words fail to say just how much our lives are changing because of Yesika Salgado. Whether it’s our endless love for her soul-giving poetry, her bold and generous AF vulnerability on social media, or even just her laugh at the many stories she’s told about men (who are barely worth this lifetime), none of us are the same people we were after encountering the impact that is Yesika Salgado. And why would we want to be?
TERISA: What are the most pertinent things that are going on this week for you?
YESIKA: My literary agent is hounding me to start developing my next book.
T: Oh my god, already?
Y: People constantly ask us ‘what’s next?’ And I’m out here promoting a new project like, “What do you mean what’s next? Hermosa is next.”
T: What do you think about when you think of Hermosa being the last in the trilogy?
Y: Before these books I released three zines, so I’ve released something every year for the last six years. And something I didn’t allow myself to feel for Tesoro, but have for my other projects, is that I did things because I wanted to do them. With the zines it was an idea that I had and I executed. I really didn’t care how it was going to be received because it was completely my concept and exactly what I wanted to say in that moment. And with Corazon I did the same thing, but with Tesoro I was like, “Okay, my first book is successful, how do I recreate that magic?” I was trying to outdo myself and I don’t think I enjoyed it. I love Tesoro, but I put myself through unnecessary stress and headaches. So with Hermosa I was really reluctant to put it together. I think after Tesoro I kinda shut down and went into hibernation and so Hermosa was me really coming back to myself, and waking up, and selfishly doing shit the way I wanted to do it.
Some people talk about writers block, but I don’t believe in that. I believe in self block. That’s where I was at! I wasn’t having no fucking writer’s block — most of the poems were already written. What I was having was I’m-tired-block. Especially because this is a book I’ve always wanted to do, right? The finish is the hardest part. I knew in my being that after this book, there would be a lot of work that’s going to come. I think the next book is going to be some unearthing that I’m going to have to do. And I think I knew that if I make it past Hermosa, I’d really have to show up for the next one. I know that some heavier work is going to begin afterwards.
T: Who do you create for?
Y: My people. My community. Other Latinas. You know I got so emotional watching Lizzo last night [at the VMAs]. That’s why we do what we do. For those moments! I mean how many young, Black, fat girls look at Lizzo and dream big? And how many brown girls look at me and feel the same way?
T: I had a gig over the weekend in Oakland and a Latinx woman came up to me before the show started to share that she saw me perform at your Oakland book release in December. And she said she was really excited to see me perform and this isn’t the first time someone recognized me because of our sisterhood. Have you fully grasped your actual impact?
Y: I do and I don’t. I think it’s so surreal. If I’m being honest — as women we get taught to do this fake humble shit, right? You’re supposed to be surprised that people care or are reading you, but we continuously get on stage and continuously share our work publicly. We’re working for this! So I am aware that I have a lot of people who love me and who love my work and connect with my work and it would be ridiculous to say that I’m not aware of that! But I have to be aware of it because of the responsibility that comes with it. To have someone’s love? You’re responsible to honor that!
T: I’ve noticed that you’re really good at handling stress. Not just balancing shit, but when things aren’t going as planned, you take it really well.
Y: I think it’s years working in service jobs. And even on days when shit doesn’t go as planned, there’s always a perspective of, well, I’m still in a position of privilege. Like, I have a book release coming and amongst my worries is, “I don’t know if we’ll be able to fit enough people in the theatre!” You know what I mean? I gotta realign and tell myself that these problems I’m having are problems other people are praying for. But I am still allowed to be frustrated and angry and tired and I can still complain! I’m just trying to be more forgiving of myself.
T: The perspective you have on life and the way you’re able to flip the script on certain things that other people would be overwhelmed by is so refreshing. I want to talk about the duty of the poet. Because we are truth tellers and we are not taking the easy route to the truth. We’re uncovering a lot of shit, we’re healing along the way and you’re doing exactly that in your books.
Y: I think we are two people who center our work around healing our people and the only way to heal our people is to heal ourselves. I mean, we are part of our people and I am no service to anyone if I don’t write from that place. And I could sit here and pretend like I’ve got it all figured out, but what’s the point? No one’s gonna grow from that.
T: Your honesty about that is such a balm! It’s so medicinal. Is there anything you wish you could share with your current fans that — to a degree — only know you as “Yesika the Artist” or “Yesika the Poet?”
Y: Yeah! One of the questions I get asked the most is, “How can I have your confidence?” Whether it’s the confidence of being a fat woman who wears what she wants or just the confidence to tell the stories that I tell. And then people think I have this secret code that I figured out. That this shit showed up at my front door and I put it on, right? But I wish people could see me as who I was before. When I was terrified of everything. Remember when Jovan told me that I sounded like I was apologizing every time I spoke?
T: Yes!
Y: I just wish people could see how many times I ran into walls and had to figure out that if I can’t go right, what’s left? So, I wish anyone could get a glimpse of that. There’s no secret and there’s no cheat code. I lived a lot! And everything I have I fucking deserve. I’m not an Instagram sensation and I’m not an overnight success. I’ve done the leg work and I think a lot of people don’t see that.
“Hermosa was really me coming back to myself, and waking up, and selfishly doing shit the way I wanted to do it.”
T: You know what? Thank you so much for saying that, sis.
Y: I could make a list of all the shitty things that I had to live. But there’s also moments of real laughter. Even when I was the most depressed and I was running home to pretend to be someone else, there’s been so much laughter in my life. That is who I am. I’m all about a good laugh and I’m all about a good cry.
T: There’s so much that I learn by being in community with you. Especially your very robust and beautiful experience with loving out loud and loving in person and in real time.
Y: You know with my new book that I did? My boldest act of love is that, the man that I write all my poems about — I named him in the “thank you’s” in my new book!
T: What!
Y: I thank him for his grace, because although our love might not show up in the way we want it all the time, and we both have hurt each other a lot, he’s shown me grace by not intruding into what I write about. I get to tell our story to thousands of people and he doesn’t go on rampages.
T: Speaking of men! They don’t deserve us and yet here we are. What have the men in your life given you that redeems them? Because I don’t actually think any of them are worthy of you.
Y: My Ariana Grande moment! One taught me not to lend money to men.
T: Let me snap that up!
Y: One taught me to be very careful and to see if what they’re attracted to is me or the way that other people are attracted to me. Are they only able to look at me with love if there’s a whole audience there with them? Do you love me offstage? Because if you love me offstage then let’s do this, but if you only love me onstage then how am I supposed to see you as any different than anyone else on social media?
T: Right, right!
Y: My most recent partner taught me that we create entire universes in our heads and sometimes we try to create thoughts that aren’t even there. There’s been many times when I’ve taken things very personally when they’re not personal at all. Like he’s operating business as usual and I’m here convinced that it’s an attack toward me! I think men have taught me more in their silence than when they’re talking. I must really believe in love because I keep putting up with this shit! And I like that about me: no matter how much I hurt, I still show up.
T: It’s so interesting to hear you talk about the complexities and nuances of loving men because it reminds me of one time, I remember you saying you did not feel like you could talk about or deal with opinions on feminism because you didn’t go to college. Do you remember that?
Y: Yeah, I remember. I think I said, “I don’t think I can call myself a feminist until I go to college or until I take one of those classes.” And I remember you asking why I felt like that and I said, “I think that’s just something you have to study.” And when you asked me, “Do you believe in the equality of all genders?” And I said, “Yeah.” And you kept pressing me and you said, “Well you are a feminist!”
I wanted to join in on the conversation, but I would say the wrong word, I would say the wrong thing, I would put my foot in my mouth. I remember when you guys explained to me what intersectional feminism is and took the time to break down terms for me. That conversation has always stuck with me. To go from that person, not able to call themself a feminist, to now being —
T: A total feminist icon?
Y: Haha, yeah. Or just being an intersectional feminist person who constantly calls out toxic feminism.
T: That dinner really changed my life and it really humbled my ass around how toxic the gatekeeping is around these big issues. We’ve made feminism inaccessible. People think because you didn’t get a degree in this or because you didn’t study that, you’re unworthy of being in community around it.
Y: Affirm Conference was the first time I realized, “Oh this isn’t a bougie, smart, university thing. This is a survival thing.” And I know everything about survival! This makes sense, right? And then I also learned that activism looks different for everyone. I used to look at you and think that I wasn’t doing enough and now I look at you and try to think, “Terisa’s this person who can operate on a hundred at all times. But what does activism look like with Yesika just being Yesika at all times?” So for me it shows up in me taking up space and being no nonsense and giving all the space to women and non-binary folks, but also in standing my ground. I think people need to see others standing their fucking ground. They need to see that I can honor my hard boundaries and you can’t fucking cross these boundaries.
T: Yes!
Y: And to think this is the person I am now when a couple years ago I didn’t have any fucking boundaries [laughs]. I think that I have been called into the work of teaching people how to figure their lives out by figuring out my life publicly. And, it’s hard. It’s hard, but I know that even when I want to shrink from it, I know this is undeniably who I was meant to be and what I was meant to do. I never want to be anything other than a writer. I know that I’m going to be writing stories about our people for the rest of my life.
⤏ BUY THE PRINT EDITION OF JR HI THE MAGAZINE | ISSUE 007 HERE.
⤏ TERISA SIAGATONU (SHE/HER) IS AN AWARD-WINNING POET, SPEAKER, EDUCATOR AND COMMUNITY-ORGANIZER BORN AND ROOTED IN THE BAY AREA. HER VOICE IN THE POETRY WORLD AS A QUEER, SĀMOAN WOMAN HAS GRANTED HER OPPORTUNITIES TO PERFORM IN PLACES SUCH AS THE WHITE HOUSE (OBAMA ADMINISTRATION), THE UN CONFERENCE ON CLIMATE CHANGE IN PARIS, THE ASIA PACIFIC TRIENNIAL IN BRISBANE, AUSTRALIA, AND THE 2019 SF WOMEN'S MARCH.